8th May 2017
Dealing with loss is perhaps the toughest of all human emotions. It tears at your heart and leaves your soul in tatters.
To have 'had' something so special and then to have lost it, whatever the circumstances, is unbearable. Curse our human brains and their ability to process thought in such minute detail.
Sometimes it's not just a loss in love but rejection.
Rejection is just as hard as any other form of loss. Especially if you've worked hard in your mind to visualise yourself in a particular scenario.
I've had this myself recently and found it very hard to deal with. But I'm all for the positive. What I could easily see as negative I try to rethink as positive. It sounds like a big ask but let me try to explain how I go about this by focusing on the positives and negatives.
The very first thing I did was confront my emotions head on. I deliberately went back and looked at how and why I felt the way I did. What was it about her that I found so attractive?
In my case it was easy, pure and natural beauty of the classic kind that wasn't just limited to the superficial. A truly beautiful lady with all the elegance and femininity of a classic Hollywood icon.
Not just that, but an intelligence, spirit and wit that were infectious. Addicting.
If I stop to analyse each aspect in turn I can successfully concede that each of these qualities is available in other people. Of course they are. But as a whole? That's the tricky bit.
So which aspects meant the most to me?
Beauty, intelligence and spirit. These qualities are, to me, the most attractive in anybody. They're not at all exclusive. People are wonderful beings and many carry such qualities.
It's hard to find a negative when you're blinded by the positives.
But negatives are indeed there.
Perhaps there was a certain 'coldness' that didn't quite tick the box.
Perhaps, despite all the positives, there was an element of behaviour that would have annoyed in the longer term.
Perhaps one day I'll stop to consider these things pragmatically and realise just what they mean to me.
People are beautiful despite their varying appearance. Looking for true beauty is a challenge. When you chip away at the exterior there is often a complex and thoroughly attractive person hiding inside.
Exploring this 'inner person' is fun and rewarding. Getting to know somebody for who they are on so many levels is a beautiful experience.
Thinking superficially is obvious. We are generally attracted to conventionally attractive people. But meeting somebody and sharing your thoughts, fears, emotions and dreams is a beautiful thing. Especially if you click in a way that makes you feel the warmth on the inside.
Loss (in all its forms) and rejection are raw emotions. The hardest emotions to overcome. Learning to live with inner peace is a remarkably challenging thing to achieve.
But inner peace is the secret to true happiness.
For me, inner peace is about understanding the details of a situation and working to reduce their impact. It's about learning to see the positive where there are no obviously positive signs to look for. It's a mindset that translates into your daily activity.
Inner peace and positivity remain my goals.