Dreaming of Strength
I think it's a Sunday thing. I have the most vivid dreams on a Sunday night, such that my working week begins with something of a leap from a springboard.
I woke having dreamed of being a Norseman. A fully mobile, aggressive and suitably hairy Norseman. The finer details of which are probably less important than the outcome.
Something that seems to go hand in hand with being a warrior by heart is pain and suffering. As dreams go this was pretty uncomfortable. Pain and suffering were in plentiful supply. Whether it was on the battlefield or privately and emotionally, I seem to have endured my fair share. Yes, this appeared to be a lengthy and protracted dreaming experience.
One sequence that has stayed with me involved being in a boat on a rough sea. In reality I have questionable sea legs. But here, in a fantasy setting, I was stood firm and riding the waves like a pro. Until, that is, we were attacked by a whale.
Whales, not normally known for their predatory nature, are impressive sights to behold and this whale was no different. Yet there was something inexplicably macabre about it. For a long time I couldn't figure it out but then it brushed past the boat and it was clear that it had no tail. It must have been 100 metres or more but without a tail yet somehow was still graceful. Every man on the boat was in awe.
And then it turned and attacked.
Not one of us knew how to react. We were easy prey. This was no ordinary whale. More like an enormous shark that appeared to defy nature. Teeth like hefty kitchen knives and a mouth fit to consume 10 men without a bite. The stuff of nightmares.
I survived but at the expense of my legs. I kept my legs but they became largely useless.
As a disabled guy living with a weak back that directly affects my legs, this seemed painfully familiar. I somehow swam to safety.
That whale attack haunted me for the remainder of the dream. A dream that saw me confronting witches, warriors, monsters and all manner of the gods know what. At no point would I be denied access to Valhalla. My demise would surely be in battle.
So I woke this morning feeling suitably relieved to be alive.
What have a gleaned from all this? It's difficult to say. But I've certainly thought a lot about why I should have such an intense subconscious experience based upon recent events in my life.
The concept of being a part of one of the most brutal and fearless people history has ever know, only to spend my time in perpetual fear, is startling and perhaps reflective of a lack of confidence just now.
Such a large adversary in the form of a whale is eye opening. That it is so large and uncharacteristically aggressive is one thing, but for it to be a deep sea creature is perhaps more telling. I love the water but there's no way I could out swim a whale.
I always look for a positive angle.
The optimistic side of me likes to think of this as a marker. A milestone, if you like. A deliberate message to my inner self that it's time to move forward with some strength. To be more confident in seemingly impossible situations.
It's Monday morning as I type this. Here's to a positive week ahead.